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A man was walking through the park at night when he was robbed. He called the police, who caught the robber. The police called the next day and had the man come into the police station. His first question was, “How do you think you contributed to this robbery?” The man was shocked. Was he being blamed for being robbed? “The man robbed me.” The victim protested. “But before justice can be served, we need you to admit your involvement in what led to the robbery.” The police replied.
“My part?” The victim screamed! “He robbed me.”
“But you could have walked somewhere else. Or maybe you gave off mixed signals that led to being robbed. We want reconciliation between you and the robber, then if we think he deserves justice, we will consider it.”
“Am I being blamed for the robbery?” Asked the victim.
“You have to consider maybe you have more wealth than this man, and he was in need. You both could be charged.” The victim sat in stunned silence.
Modern Approaches
The idea that reconciliation precedes or excludes justice is as absurd as this parable. While few churches or organizations explicitly talk like this, many have a system that creates this atmosphere. This type of thinking is coded into many systems. The result is often a toxic environment for victims and a shelter for those who cause harm.
But let’s talk about the parable for a second. There is some logic, even if twisted. We don’t know the background of the robber. Perhaps he has had a bad childhood or lives in poverty. Maybe he is the result of a corrupt and broken system that leads him to feel like robbing someone better off financially is a justifiable solution. Then, who are we to judge such an action, considering context?
In this context, both parties are seen as equally liable for the action. The victim benefited from a rigged system, whereas the robber was harmed by it. Therefore, the man walking in the park at that time was inviting the robber to rob him. In the parable, this is why the police begin to question the victim.
In contemporary discussions within many Western cultures, this reflects the prevailing zeitgeist (spirit of the age). From this viewpoint, everyone is equally responsible for everything. To some, this sounds fair and right, a leveling of the playing field. However, this isn’t creating healthy environments.
The contemporary culture flocks to this reversal of traditional logic, but at the same time loathes the results. The results of this thinking lead to an environment where the victim is blamed and feels unsafe to come forward. If churches and organizations, under the guise of spirituality, continue this kind of thinking, all we are doing is harming victims and creating a culture of silence when there is conflict.
A Better Way
Imagine being the victim of a conflict, and instead of receiving healing and space to grieve, you received blame. If you decide to pursue justice and reconciliation, you will double your pain. In such an environment, most people will choose silence to avoid further damage. Meanwhile, the pain and hurt fester like an infected wound. There is neither justice nor reconciliation.
Now, to be fair, the man could have been walking in a different area. He could have avoided walking through a park at night. There is wisdom in this line of thinking to avoid future repeats. Others can learn from this man’s mistakes. There is a time and place for these conversations. The timing is what makes the difference between healing, reconciliation, and further harm and detachment.
What if instead, we built systems that deal with justice and healing first? In this way, the victim would have been taken care of well. The robber would have faced a sentence for his crime, taking away the threat of further harm. The police could have helped the man heal from the traumatic experience through counseling and assurance. After the victim is well on his way to the path of healing, you begin to ask how future incidents can be avoided; after all, there is wisdom in prevention. Part of healing is education. But for one to learn, they must first be comforted.
We must dismantle these systems where we find them and replace them with more biblically-minded ones. Biblically minded systems embrace and comfort the hurting. These systems bring justice and grace at the same time. We are all sinful, but in conflicts, sometimes there is an unequal amount of sin that leads to the problem. These can be varied and require thoughtful wisdom, prayer, and patience to engage. We must plead to the Father for wisdom to heal the hurting and restore the fallen. This is a system that heals and builds a community, church, and organization.